Nick Swardson and Simon Rex reminisce about partying with Paris Hilton, Nick’s writing of Malibu’s Most Wanted, and their Comedy Central web series, Typical Rick. Meanwhile, I attempt to cook a meal according to Nick’s insane dietary restrictions.

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VEGAN, GLUTEN-FREE MINI THAI PIZZAS and THAI KELP NOODLES

Dairy-free
Grain-free
Citrus and fruit-free
Gluten-free
Sugar-free
No seafood

VEGAN GLUTEN-FREE MINI THAI PIZZAS

Instructions:
1. Bring a pot of water to a boil
2. Use a box grater to make the cauliflower rice from 1 head
cauliflower.
3. Add riced cauliflower to water. Cook for 5 minutes to soften.
Then drain in a fine mesh strainer Let cool 5 minutes.
4. Transfer cauliflower rice to a clean dish towel and ring out as
much of the excess liquid as possible. Ring until no more water comes out. Set aside.
5. In a large mixing bowl, prepare the flax egg (1½ TBSP flax meal and 4 TBSP water) and let rest 5 minutes.
6. Then add these things to the cauliflower rice:

a. ¼ TSP salt
b. 3 TBSP vegan parmesan cheese
c. 1 TSP oregano
d. 1 TSP dried basil
e. 3 cloves minced garlic
f. 1 TBSP Arrowroot starch

7. Stir with a mixing spoon or your hands to thoroughly combine.
8. Form into small, ½-inch thick discs, pan fry and drain.
9. Top with pre-made peanut sauce (peanut butter, tamari sauce,
sriracha, fake sugar, ginger) and vegan cheese.
10. Pop in the oven to melt the cheese.

THE THAI KELP NOODLES

1. Drain and rinse the kelp noodles and set aside
2. Saute bell peppers and spinach. Set aside.
3. MAKE THE SAUCE. Combine these ingredients in the blender:

a. 1 can organic full-fat coconut milk
b. 1/2 cup peanut butter
c. 3 tablespoons Swerve artificial sweetener
d. 2 tablespoons organic extra-virgin olive oil
e. 1 tablespoon cilantro
f. 2 cloves crushed garlic
g. 1 red pepper
h. 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
i. 1 teaspoon salt

4. Combine the noodles, sauce, bell peppers and spinach together. Garnish with cilantro


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Nick Swardson, Simon Rex, and Noodle-less Noodles | Something's Burning | S1 E14
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