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Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
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In this video we cover: limerence, attachment, dismissive avoidant, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, attachment theory NPD, narcissist, cluster b, malignant, covert, fawn, abandonment, toxic parents, parenting, gaslighting, gaslight, child development, triggers, tools, therapy tools, conflict, self-regulation, toxic, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd

WORKING ON LIMERENCE ISSUES:
Below are journal prompts in detail that are designed to help clients tackle this issue and try to come out of it. These were recently given out to my healing community members, who receive these journal prompts on childhood trauma issues every week. You can find the membership above.

Journal Prompt 1
Write out examples throughout your life where limerence might have been going on for you. You might recall these as crushes, but might they have been more than that.

Examples
“I wanted to be Greg Brady’s girlfriend, but also be living with that family like Alice did. I’d obsess about being a fantastic addition to that family, and specifically Gregg. This went on for years, and I’d begin and end my day thinking about him.”

“I wanted my third-grade teacher Mrs. Johnson to be my person. Not like a girlfriend but like someone who’d be super into me and was kind. I’d get nervous being around her.”

JP2:
Walk yourself through the limerence preoccupation. If you’re currently in something like this, what do you actually want as an experience with the person you are in limerence with?

Ex:
“I wanted an intense, undying connection with Mrs. Johnson. I wanted to be bonded with her to the point that she’d take me in and ask my family to adopt me.”
“I want them to leave their current marriage and become interested in me and that we buy a new house together and get along better than any couple ever.”

JP3:
Going on what came up in Journal Prompts 2, can you define or name pieces that are rooted in healthy attachment for a child. Think infancy, toddlerhood into grammar school. These are unmet needs that childhood trauma survivors don’t experience and are often the root of limerence.

Ex:
• Bonding
• Engagement
• Being appreciated for uniqueness
• Mutual connection that feels like completion
• Feelings of being home
• Enjoyment of each other
• Deep shared understanding that only exists in the dyad (relationship)

JP4:
Given your responses in Journal Prompt 3

Write about any of those elements that were missing with your parents in childhood. I know this may be hard as some relationships are so broken or horrific, but every child is in need of attaching with someone who matters to them and vice versa.

Ex:
“My father was a workaholic and my mother was profoundly depressed. I spent my childhood waiting for us to be a family and was almost treated like a pet. Even in grammar school I would be super uncomfortable both being the focus and then extremely sad when I wasn’t the focus like with a teacher. I’ve never felt bonded to my parents but more like I was an adoptee to them that they were helping out with basics like shelter. I never felt I was special to them.”

JP5:
What does your inner child need from the adult you (inner adult) in the examples from journal prompt 3?

Ex:
• My inner child needs daily tokens of affirmation (I love you…you did great.)
• My inner child needs connection at bedtime (good night ritual)
• My inner child needs conversation and engagement from my adult self.
• My inner child needs my adult to make home feel more special to them.
• My inner child needs time with me alone doing something kid like.

The below resources may help with becoming more integrated with our inner child which can get us out of limerence which is really like seeking a rescue in others.

Resources
• My reparenting the inner child webinar for sale!

• The Artist’s Way – creativity book. -just change the artist date to inner child date - Julie Cameron

• Daily Affirmations for the inner child book – to connect with the missing parenting pieces emotionally -Rokelle Lerner

• Anxiety at Night and Morning Videos -to get a sense of inner child work in action
   • Anxiety at Night -The Adult and the I...  
   • Anxiety in the Morning - The Adult an...  

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
   • Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream  

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