In this video I discuss the role of the child scapegoat to a narcissistic parent. The scapegoat is a role ‘assigned’ to a child growing up in a dysfunctional family system. The scapegoat is the person that knows something isn’t right and they are blamed for the dysfunction within the family unit, as a result the they are often the target of blaming, gaslighting, manipulation and unequal treatment. With a narcissistic family the scapegoat is blamed for all of the negativity within the family. The narcissist parent can then stand back and point their fingers at the scapegoat saying “It’s all your fault”.

🔵 CHAPTERS

0:00 What is scapegoating within a narcissistic family?
1:59 Why do narcissistic families scapegoat?
4:19 The family scapegoat and trauma
5:22 The family scapegoat abuse test

🔵 EXAMPLE OF BEING THE SCAPEGOAT TO A NARCISSISTIC PARENT

Let look at an example, Tracey father is a narcissist and his needs are the primary focus of the household. Tracey is expected to meet those needs and have no needs of her own. So the focus of the entire household is the needs of her father, not the healthy development of the children. Tracey is expected to submit to the dominant authority of her father no matter how cruel or abusive he is. When something happens in the family, from a cup of tea spilled on the carpet to a meal not being on time, Tracey is blamed for it. As the family scapegoat, she is made to bear the brunt of all the families problems, frustrations, arguments and unhappiness. Rather than look at themselves, the family points a collective finger at Tracey. This allows them to continue their dysfunctional patterns without changing. As the scapegoat Tracey is the one who tells the truth about the obvious problems within the family. She calls out her fathers manipulation, the passivity of her mother and how one sided things are within the family. But rather than listen to her they call her a trouble maker as they are unwilling to admit to their dysfunction. Tracey’s awareness and wisdom are a threat to the family system.

🔵 WHY DO NARCISSISTIC FAMILIES SCAPEGOAT?

In Murray Bowens family systems theory, families are viewed as emotionally interrelated systems. The family, as the system, use the Scapegoat to displace their dysfunction. So in a nutshell they dump their dysfunction onto the scapegoat. The scapegoat is then blamed for family issues when, in actual fact, the whole family has a role to play.Research suggests that parents who are mentally ill or emotionally unstable are more likely to scapegoat their child. According to Professor Gary Gemmill, scapegoating lets a parent believe their family is much healthier than it is. The family believes if it were not for that this one person (i.e the scapegoat) this family would be perfect. So the abusive parent can carefully dictate the family narrative. They often have a story about their child that they are quick to share with anyone who will listen. The story usually goes like this, “He was such a difficult baby, but I did the best I could”, “She has mental health problems and is so difficult to manage” or “He has such a liar and he causes me so much stress”. This narrative is designed to elevate the parent and shame the child.To humiliate the child even more this story is often shared with aunts, uncles and even those outside of the family including work colleagues. So all these people view the scapegoated child through this same cruel and twisted lens.

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🔵 ABOUT TERESA LEWIS

Teresa Lewis is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology and a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is a qualified EMDR Practitioner having completed training accredited with EMDR Europe. Teresa is also a qualified adult educator and an accredited Mindfulness teacher As a recognised expert in her field Teresa is frequently asked to conduct editorial reviews and endorse counselling and psychotherapy books for international publishing houses.

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🔵 GRAPHICS AND THUMBNAIL

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