Published On Premiered Jul 25, 2023
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny takes one of cinema's most charming, optimistic heroes and gives him the Jake Skywalker treatment. Its deserved failure completes the set for Kathleen Kennedy and Lucasfilm. This film makes Kingdom of the Crystal Skull look good. It should never have been made.
Thanks to @ozkii95 and @MrBrownAlliance for help with the editing!
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Timestamps
Intro: He Belongs in a Museum: 00:00 - 11:25
Indiana Jones & the De-Aged Face: 11:26 - 14:34
Planes, Trains and Nazi Mobiles: 14:35 - 22:00
Religious McGuffins vs Science McMuffins: 22:01 - 31:00
Jurgen Voller is Dead: 31:01 - 38:20
Indiana Jones & The Prologue of Doom: 38:21 - 41:51
Now I Am Become Plinkett: 41:52 - 47:30
Henry Jones' Moon Landing: 47:31 - 57:02
Helena Shaw Does Not Belong: 57:03 - 01:00:35
Jurgen Voller is Alive: 01:00:35 - 01:08:02
The CIA Has Me on a List: 01:08:03 - 01:10:35
The Moral Clarity of the Nazis: 01:10:36 - 01:17:01
Boyd with the Pistol in the Library: 01:17:02 - 01:27:06
Trigger-Happy Crackers: 01:27:07 - 01:32:00
Horse 1-0 Train: 01:32:01 - 01:35:18
Jurgen has Completed Space: 01:35:19 - 01:38:40
Suddenly, Sallah! 01:38:41 - 01:44:16
Indiana Jones & The Last Flashback: 01:44:17 - 01:47:00
Phoebe Waller-Bridge Isn't Funny: 01:47:01 - 01:51:23
Tuktuk Wacky Races: 01:51:24 - 02:01:14
Don't Trust Nazis (or the CIA): 02:01:15 - 02:04:26
Helena vs Mutt: 02:04:27 - 02:09:07
Puss In Boats: 02:09:08 - 02:12:35
Indy Forgets About Magic: 02:12:36 - 02:17:32
Alas Poor Mutt, I Knew Him: 02:17:33 - 02:24:12
Would You Like to Buy My Boat? 02:24:13 - 02:31:29
Nazis Have Eyes You Moron: 02:31:30 - 02:34:52
The Ear Wax of Dionysius: 02:34:53 - 02:39:13
The Tomb of Archimedes: 02:39:14 - 02:49:44
Let's Kill Hitler: 02:49:45 - 02:57:08
CONTINENTAL DRIFT! 02:57:09 - 03:00:38
Shoot Romans, Save Hitler: 03:00:39 - 03:06:03
Indiana Jones and the Assisted Suicide: 03:06:04 - 03:13:20
And Now Marion For Some Reason: 03:13:21 - 03:16:10
Conclusion: Jake Jones & the Phoebe Waller-Bridge of Doom: 03:16:11 - 03:20:25
P.S. Come On Kathleen: 03:20:26 - 03:32:20