The Witchfinder General of the Colony of Massachusetts Bay in New-England preaches against the heathenry of the Pagan Carnival known as Christmas, and exhorts Good Christians to Ban it by Law; together with, a Testimony against the Authors of that most vile and deplorable Pamphlet, r/christmas, and irrefutable Judgments upon them, drawing from the Word of God, and the Puritan Laws of this fair Commonwealth.

"What's up with the weird accent?" It's a rendition of Original Early Modern English Pronunciation, commonly abbreviated as OP, an accent reconstructed by a linguist and Shakespeare scholar that's our best guess as to what people in southern England sounded like in the 17th century.

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