"Special Arrangements: The Changing Face of the 21st Century Relationship"
discussion panel on non-monogamy and polyamory with Sunny Bates (moderator), Reid Mihalko of http://ReidAboutSex.com, Diana Adams, Esq. of http://www.DianaAdamsLaw.net, and Esther Perel of http://www.EstherPerel.com/

Sept 30th, New York City

TLDR: The video discusses polyamory and non-traditional relationships, including managing jealousy, negotiating boundaries, and the positive aspects of maintaining connections with multiple partners, while also advocating for more positive examples of non-monogamous relationships in popular culture.

00:00 👥 Polyamory and non-traditional relationships are discussed by experts, while the speaker shares their journey from rejecting monogamy to embracing polyamory and learning to work through jealousy.
18:09 🤔 Jealousy can be managed by identifying triggers and addressing underlying insecurities, while monogamy is a continuum that requires negotiation and boundaries are necessary for any relationship.
28:30 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Polyamorous families can provide a stable and positive environment for children, and we need more positive examples of non-monogamous relationships in popular culture.
36:34 👥 Maintaining connections with multiple partners keeps the speaker's erotic self alive and nourishes her primary relationship.
51:18 🤔 Embrace new relationship styles, communicate openly, and negotiate upfront to find what works for you.
01:05:59 👥 Polyamory can be challenging but can also lead to positive experiences and acceptance from family, and having difficult conversations can lead to freedom in relationships and life.
01:18:30 💕 Non-traditional relationships are becoming more accepted, with legal recognition of three-parent families and a movement towards domestic partnerships for multiple people.
01:26:13 👏 Recommended Esther's book and invited questions from the audience.

Sunny: Welcome. I'm Sunny Bates and delighted that you are all here tonight. This is our first standard talk of the season. I think we're all really interested in this subject of what the future of relationships look like and is there something beyond monogamy. We have a great group of people tonight to explore this, both from a philosophical, from an actual practical perspective and then from a therapeutic perspective, but I promise it won't hurt a bit.

Starting from my very far left, your right, is the wonderful Ester Perel who many of you probably know, it seems to be. She's one of the world's most original and insightful voices in exploring couples and sexuality cross-cultures. She's fluent in nine languages. She's a Belgian native and she speaks on emotional and erotic intelligence, work life balance, cross-cultural relations, conflict resolution, identity of modern marriage and family. She's a TED favorite, her talk has over 2.5 million viewings and rising every day.

Ester: That's enough.

Sunny: That's enough. I could go on and on and on couldn't I? I won't. I'll stop now. Next to Ester we have Diana Adams who is an out and proud polyamorous queer bisexual, New York City based attorney, activist, and educator. She's a fierce agitator for sexual civil rights and nontraditional families. An advocate for clients who wish to start families with intention and legal stability. Diana also represents parent and child custody cases whose nontraditional sexuality may be turned against them in court.

Then we have Reid. You got to have a man here right. Reid Mihalko, who's a sex and relationship expert. My mic is bouncing back and forth. I don't know if I'm doing something or ... okay. Who's a sex and relationship expert and to date he has amassed over 150,000 conversations with men and women about sex and relationships. He's got an art school degree from Brown University, a personal favorite because both my girls are there.

Reid: Go Browns.

Sunny: He founded an internationally acclaimed nonsexual communication workshop called Cuddle Party. He's thrown an orgy for Emmy nominated journalist Lisa Ling on the Oprah Winfrey Network.

This is such an interesting and charged conversation. I want for both of you to start with this. How did you come to polyamory? How did you come to your world as it stands right now in your work?

Reid: Do you want to go first or do you want me to go first?

Sunny: Yeah you do it. You're right next to me.

Reid: I get nervous when I speak. Everyone take a deep breath and just go ohhhhhh. Thanks.

My mom and dad love each other very, very much. My brothers and I watched them. We'd catch them making out in the kitchen and stuff like that, but their inability to communicate eventually kind of tanked their marriage even though they stayed together. My mom became an alcoholic. My dad tried to fix it by working more, which is what my mom didn't need. They eventually ended up losing everything and living in their van. That kind of set me off on how do I not be like them?