First dates run the gamut—they can be exciting, exhausting, mysterious, boring, easy, or laborious. What determines the success or disappointment of a first date has less to do with an immediate spark and more to do with creating the right conditions for turning that spark into a lingering flame that leaves us burning to experience more. When we’re just beginning to connect with a new person, it’s all about context, education, seduction, and connection. When dating is tough, it can feel like a game that we don’t know how to play. But by focusing on these four areas, we can revel in un-gamified playfulness—that quality of romance, humor, and ease that, when combined with an authentic connection, inspires both parties to go deeper.

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